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About
a little story and a letter I peed my pants in second grade, in the afternoon. When I got to the bathroom, a class was there and one of the was kind of crawling on the , going under the stalls. I was uncomfortable with urinals, so I was there in the stall, waiting for the kid to stop what he was doing and leave. By the time it was clear, my pants had already taken a good amount of it. When I got back to class, my teacher must have known something from the look on my face. She asked if everything was alright. I blurted out that I hadn't made it in time and then began to cry. My teacher sent me to the nurse, who ed my house. My Mom brought me a fresh pair of pants and I finished out the day. That might have been a traumatizing experience; but the good part about it was that when I peed my pants again in third grade, I knew exactly what to do. I approached the teacher and said matter-of-factly that I had peed my pants and had to go to the nurse to so I could my Mom and get some fresh pants. The moral of the story is probably about embarrassment - maybe about not being afraid of it. I didn't get picked on for peeing my pants. I think a lot of were probably happy it wasn't them. Maybe the experience made me a little braver. Maybe it's the kind of thing people don't pick on others about. I made a post here referring to at one point, and about how I got in trouble during college for being drunk on campus. I thought later how it could be embarrassing in a way. It didn't happen again, however. But a similarity is that again, perhaps some people were simply happy it wasn't them. I imagine in that case people was not as forgiving. Anyway, I thought about this all later, and realized how it speaks for that of the sixties. The counter-culture was poised against the oppression of constraints and of the dominant classes. They knew, just as I would realize recently, that if people could not express themselves for fear of shame or embarrassment, then those who have gone through much worse than I have - the here being the least of which - would be backed into silence, embarrassment, and shame. That is oppression. Before being part of the perhaps more common notion of counter-culture from the sixties, was among the first wave of white civil-rights activists to infiltrate the South. So he was very much in touch with what was going on in that , even if he was to be taken away by it. I have a missed connection and we might both have had our struggles with embarrassment and oppression and shame. Maybe that's part of why we're missed connections. I would like to say I love her. I would like to tell her again, and more often. So: I love you. It is like the meaning of life is being able to say that, and being able to say . I know in some ways the meaning of life is like everything or anything. Being able to say such words to you would be great highlights, encompassing much. I'd like to share moments like that, and more closely, as closely as we can. I hope that meaning can grow and develop and nurture. is better than other expressions, one of which you might remember from me, which I won't say because I said it once, and I don't want to again, at least not until very late in life. I wrote this a few days ago and incidentally, while writing that last part, that Caribou song (which you might know, which I didn't know until I heard it) coincided on the radio. It's nice. It's meaningful, heightening, sympathetic. There is something about that song, and we needn't define it perhaps. The words are one respect, the music another. Well, if it would be little more to us than a quaint , or maybe it would mean more. Just a little about that autobiography I told you I'd picked up - I hope you know what I'm talking about. I started reading it today. About a week ago I read the first couple pages and thought it really was not for me. Today I gave it a second attempt. I don't have to agree or sympathize with everything he says. I'm fairly sure I don't. I thought you'd like if I read it. With always so much more to say and share. I know we can enjoy more direct conversation in the future, when you're ready to. Part of what I can share in particular has to do with faith, and that is nice too.
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