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night
night has crept on over me
once I saw day out there
through the window
now I see only night
night: nebulous, craven thing
night with the power to transform
when you have love
when you're in love
night is the most special, magical time there ever will be
when you don't, though
when it's gone
when it's goner than gone
when it's so faraway it's as though it never was
night is the cruelest, hardest, harshest, worst time there ever was
it is a scourge of steel barbs and broken glass
it is a tyrant and absolute power and blood and iron
as with every night, now, I've fallen into another night
I've drifted into yet another empty darkness robbed of stars
robbed of dreams, hope, even the slightest mercy
stricken of even the thought of soft memories
pained just by the want alone
knelt on the ground unashamedly
crying so sorrowfully even the moon takes pity
and it does not go away, either
it does not hasten
it does not become easier
it does not hurt less
it does not bite less
it lingers and tarries and waits
it stands like a stone statue
like an obsidian statue
with a smile like Loki's
it stands there like bondage
it stands there with its own gravity
with its own weight
with its own force
bearing on me
beaming on me
blazing and furious and unremitting
eating at my soul
plucking me from this earth
plummeting me down Hell
down and down and down and down
wind shearing at my face
darkness round even my heart
fires at my heels, running up my legs
my back, my neck, my face
and it burns
it burns so much it cracks my voice from screaming
vocal cords break and snap and tear
because suddenly I am screaming louder than I've ever ever screamed
because I hurt
harder and worse and crueler
than any way I've ever hurt before
and love-oh-love
though I search a thousand lands for it
though I scour deserts for it
though I walk on hands and knees for it
though I plunge to Hell for it
I cannot find it
I look for it
I cry for it
I ache for it
my heart ails for it
but it does not know me anymore
it does not look for me
it does not take me
it does not hold me
I wait on the eaves of fate
I wait in the maelstrom of the most primal of furies
I wait and the fire blackens my skin
and I'm robbed even of a voice to scream with
all I can do is feel how much my heart wishes all of this were not so
all I can do is fight with whatever I have left
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